I've seen something similar happen before. If it's severe, then it's out of your hand.
But anecdotally, here's something that's worked for people who are still, for the lack of a better word, sane. So everything from here assumes there is an external (work/people/existential) cause, and not an internal pathology (BPD, Schizo, Brain Tumor). I'm also assuming that both of you have a requisite level of intimacy as friends & that this isn't a drug use problem.
My solution: Take a long walk with him.
I mean a loong walk. Ideally on a quiet night, lasting 5+ hours.
You can't pull someone out of a spiral, but a person can pull themselves out if given enough space & time. Anecdotally, you stay quiet and let the silence build up for the first hour. Eventually, the person starts talking. They'll spend the first couple of hours rambling with only a couple of hints interspersed. Don't pounce on anything, but prod them in the direction of those hints. Soon, they'll start circling around the real issue more aggressively and if you're lucky (FWIW), that's when the levee breaks.
I'd say it's the norm for men to cry at this point. I mean, if it causes a mental breakdown, it's big enough to make them cry. If you reach here, then be very gentle here on out. This person has revealed their softest underbelly. Everything here on out should be unconditional support. Have a seat. It's easier to talk when you're walking, but it is easier to cry seated. Liminal/transitional spaces (train stations, over passes, tiny parks) are the best.
At some point, the tears dry out & some degree of catharsis is achieved. Then, they're ready to walk back again. This is where you can starting looking at optimistic change : how does the person get out of this mess ? Keep this uncomplicated. Give them a simple & optimistic conclusion to cling onto for the next time they spiral. Outline the first step to mark the beginning of a way out. And explicitly give them permission to call you anytime/anywhere if this happens again. If you're lucky, the sun will start rising, the city will begin waking up, and optics of a new-day will give them another soft push toward optimism.
I know this sounds cliche, but cliches are just validation that something has worked for hundreds of years.
This comment is great: I imagine it's what a therapist would do, but therapy is ultimately time-limited and clinical.
Also note that if you are aware enough to be able to introspect (and not in physical danger to self), using ChatGPT for this purpose works really well. You can talk about whatever, and the fact that you're not exposing yourself to another person can help those who are more reserved. Its advice is actually pretty sensible, non-clichéd, and fairly tailored to your situation.
But anecdotally, here's something that's worked for people who are still, for the lack of a better word, sane. So everything from here assumes there is an external (work/people/existential) cause, and not an internal pathology (BPD, Schizo, Brain Tumor). I'm also assuming that both of you have a requisite level of intimacy as friends & that this isn't a drug use problem.
My solution: Take a long walk with him.
I mean a loong walk. Ideally on a quiet night, lasting 5+ hours.
You can't pull someone out of a spiral, but a person can pull themselves out if given enough space & time. Anecdotally, you stay quiet and let the silence build up for the first hour. Eventually, the person starts talking. They'll spend the first couple of hours rambling with only a couple of hints interspersed. Don't pounce on anything, but prod them in the direction of those hints. Soon, they'll start circling around the real issue more aggressively and if you're lucky (FWIW), that's when the levee breaks.
I'd say it's the norm for men to cry at this point. I mean, if it causes a mental breakdown, it's big enough to make them cry. If you reach here, then be very gentle here on out. This person has revealed their softest underbelly. Everything here on out should be unconditional support. Have a seat. It's easier to talk when you're walking, but it is easier to cry seated. Liminal/transitional spaces (train stations, over passes, tiny parks) are the best.
At some point, the tears dry out & some degree of catharsis is achieved. Then, they're ready to walk back again. This is where you can starting looking at optimistic change : how does the person get out of this mess ? Keep this uncomplicated. Give them a simple & optimistic conclusion to cling onto for the next time they spiral. Outline the first step to mark the beginning of a way out. And explicitly give them permission to call you anytime/anywhere if this happens again. If you're lucky, the sun will start rising, the city will begin waking up, and optics of a new-day will give them another soft push toward optimism.
I know this sounds cliche, but cliches are just validation that something has worked for hundreds of years.